So I always thought that I was one of those people who pushed the toothpaste tube from the end so that it looked very nice. The toothpaste was always at the right end, and the tube didn’t look like it had been run over by a car and mutilated to get out every last ounce of toothpaste.

It turns out I was wrong.

When I lived with my parents, Momma put clothes pins on the end of our toothpaste tubes. This way, even when you squeezed in the middle of the tube, the toothpaste was always nicely place at the correct end of the tube (close to the opening) and it always looked nice. When I came to college, I officially had no clothespins and just started doing without. It wasn’t until I was married and one night Kyle came in and asked me if I could stop squeezing the toothpaste tube from the middle because it messed up his system, that I realized that I’m a toothpaste tube mutilator.

I squeeze toothpaste tubes from the middle, allow half of the toothpaste to go towards the opening and half to go towards the back where it is infinitely harder to get out of the tube. Kyle is an end squeezer, so that the toothpaste is always at the optimal place to easily get toothpaste out, even when it’s almost all gone and more difficult to get out of the tube. When he is done, the tube looks nice and well maintained. When I’m done, it looks like a car ran over it.

The things married people talk about.


3 thoughts on “Toothpaste

  1. I squeeze it from the exact same spot every time. It has a lovely indentation from my thumb print. I get really antsy when other people use my toothpaste and alter the contours of where my thumb is supposed to go. It gives me nightmares (minus the nightmares part).

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