I was a mite cranky today, so when Amy came to the grocery store with me and wanted primarily to complain about things, I was more than happy to oblige.
So we complained about college graduates who can’t do fractions and people who let others treat them like garbage. It was related somehow.
It also reminded me how nice it is to interact with somebody who knows me in and out and upside down. Since Amy and I grew up in the same home and have basically the same fundamental paradigms, she and I can move and interact together without thinking about it. For example, she knew when and how to help put the groceries on the belt and when to help put them in the cart without it bothering me or having to give instructions (no, you don’t put bread in before you put cans in). We worked together flawlessly without much more than a word of thanks. It’s kind of nice to be with somebody who understands the habits I don’t think about and accommodate accordingly.
It’s not that Kyle doesn’t know me very well, but we just don’t have the shared experience in many areas to be able to do this silent dance around each other yet. We’ve really only known each other as adults for two years, so while I expect this kind of relationship to develop, I’m pretty sure that it takes decades of experience and contact to get to this point.
In many ways, that’s one of the cool things about marriage. You take two separate people who love each other, and are committed to making it work, and you put them together. The more we do things together the more we become one. We take two different families with different paradigms and we work together to create our own family paradigm. Our unique backgrounds will each influence what our home becomes, but over the course of many years we will have our own silent dance built on years of habits, contact and trust.
So while I can be the person that I grew up being around my sister, and enjoy the relationship that we have built, I can also look forward to the many relationships I will build in the future, particularly the relationship I’ve built and continue to work on with Kyle. The beauty of a relationship decades in the making complements the beauty of one that is in many ways in its infancy, but will grow to encompass years and decades. They are both different relationships, but have similar strains that echo each other, as they are each precious to me in their own way.
The past and the future mingle together in these two relationships, and I’m seeking now to build both relationships to last forever.