It’s a new year, right? In my holiday stupor of sickness and traveling I feel like I missed it and am catching up. I went to bed at 10 on New Years Eve and told Kyle he could wake me up at midnight for a kiss, but then I was going back to sleep. The holidays were nice, punctuated by bouts of extreme vomiting and horrific traffic.
But now it’s a New Year.
I’ve been looking forward to 2012 for years. It’s always been in the back of my mind that this would be the year I graduated from college. That my formal education would end. In middle and high school I didn’t consider going on to graduate school, and now I have found peace with the idea that graduate school is a future endeavor, not one for now.
I had no idea when I considered in high school that 2012 would also bring me my first child. I had my first appointment on December 29, and Kyle and I had the opportunity to hear the baby’s heartbeat.
Kyle said that when I heard it I got a huge smile on my face. It was validating and special in ways that are hard to explain. There was a part of me that was afraid that I wasn’t really pregnant–that I’d been unknowingly lying to people and in July I’d have to be like “Hey, just kidding guys, no baby!” But there really is a baby in there. My irrational fears were put to rest.
And as I look to this upcoming year, I have other fears and hopes to face. I’m not feeling as well as I wanted to feel at the beginning of this new semester, but I have plans in place that will help. On the other hand, I’m excited about the baby, we got a few gifts for Baby for Christmas, some tiny little baby socks that Kyle swears could fit on his big toe. A couple of adorable sleepers, a quilt, some diapers (because we’re *gasp* cloth diapering; it’s ok, I can see your somewhat-appalled-and-deciding-whether-or-not-to-say-anything faces over the internet, too, and they make me chuckle appreciatively online as well). It’s starting to feel real, not just like a prolonged illness that I may never recover from.
As I look at this new year, there are some things I want to do. I had an experience today that made me want to be a better neighbor this year.
I want to look forward to this new year with more hope and faith and less fear. I want to be a better person so that I can be a better mom. I want to take care of myself so that I can take care of my family.
I want to do mundane things better, like remember that I’m doing the laundry so it doesn’t span two or three days to finish. I want to fold the laundry when it’s dry instead of leaving it in the basket. Laundry’s been kind of a struggle for me this year. Dad always says that he has a magical sock fairy that replenishes his socks without his being aware. I always joke when I hear things like this that Kyle’s laundry fairy is broken.
I want to do well my last semester and graduate feeling accomplished with my education.
I want to have my baby and be at peace with the challenges that being pregnant and having a newborn present.
I want to fight the clutter demon inside me that clutters up my house.
I want to be at peace with the things I fail at this year. With the things that take longer than a year to change, or that become too overwhelming to work at.
I feel like a lot of my goals this year revolve around my finding more peace (and less stress) and family goals. I’m ok with this. My family is very important to me, and my life is going to change completely this year. I look forward to improving my life–I know that I can change if I work at it consistently over time. Habits can be rewritten and mindsets can change. I’ve seen it before, and I’ve done it before.
So here’s to looking at the New Year with hope and with a positive attitude. I hope your New Years goals and hopes are also positive.