Thoughts on Life

My grandfather is in the hospital right now. We went to visit him last night, and he is in the ICU, hooked up to ten different machines that are trying to regulate his heart, his kidneys, and his breathing.

You always know that people will die someday, but it seems like that day should always be in the future, never in the now. We’re not really sure what’s going to happen, the doctor said we’d take it day by day and see what his body does. Grandpa might pull through–he survived brain surgery a few years ago–but he might not.

Seeing him made me think about how I want him to see my baby in July. My baby is going to be the first great-grandchild in my dad’s family, and I want Grandpa to see at least one of his great-grandkids.

I was talking to Kyle about the inexorable approach of death last night after we got home. He’s never had anybody he’s very close to die. My grandmother died a few years ago, and I’ve been to funerals of a few other people that I was friends with. We talked about our families, and how we will feel when our parents die. And then we began talking about ourselves. What would happen if we died after the baby is born? Who would raise him/her? What will we do with our money? I talked to Momma about it today, and she said it’s also good to consider what we want done with our bodies. Do we want to be cremated? Buried? Donate our bodies for science? Do we want a funeral, or a memorial service?

And for the first time in our marriage, we talked about making those kinds of decisions. We don’t want to die, but if it were to happen, we don’t want to leave burdens on our family as well as grief. We want our kids to be taken care of.

I feel a bit like my thoughts are all over on this subject. Grief, hospitals and the potentiality of death bring out questions and considerations that we so often fail to think of in the flair of life. Practical questions like “Do you want CPR performed on you if your heart fails?” and “What will happen to your kids if you die?” come to the fore. Considerations on how we feel about death and grief arise.

Situations like this also make me appreciate the people and things I do have. The family I love, the friends I have fun with. These are things to truly be grateful for.

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