There’s something really satisfying for me to be alone, doing what I want. Since my days are filled catering to the whims of a pre-verbal human (one that has been whiny recently because she is sick), doing what I want has become something that tends to take the back seat.
Tonight after Ruby went to bed Kyle went to the library to finish a paper (the last thing he has to do in college! Huzzah!). I have been home alone ever since. I spent some time on the computer, did some sewing (mostly unpicking, then a little bit of sewing…then more unpicking…), and I looked to see that it is now quite late.
I should go to bed.
But I do this almost every night. I do it because I need these hours to myself. It helps keep me centered, and it helps keep me sane. I need time to be me, and I need time to do what I can only do with hours that are not also caring-for-Ruby hours.
It turns out that parenting isn’t a nine to five, it’s a twenty-four seven. If Ruby wakes up, or is sick, or teething, these me hours become Mom hours again. And that’s as it should be. But I find that having a routine and a schedule helps me get those me hours in on a regular basis. Her naps tend to be short and unpredictable, but bedtime is golden.
And I’ll take that.