The Power of Words

It’s amazing what we can convince ourselves of. I was utterly convinced that because I wasn’t throwing up every day, I was genuinely less sick this pregnancy than last. But things hit a critical point on Monday, and I ended up getting on the same anti-nausea medicine that I took when I was pregnant with Ruby. And now that I’m taking medicine for the pregnancy sickness, I’ve got a bit more perspective.

I’m not sure that it’s easy to compare less/more sick. It’s more like it was different sick. I spent the majority of the last three weeks lying on the couch the doing bare essentials of eating, changing diapers, and feeding Ruby. She played by herself while I wallowed on the couch, unable to get up because I felt so terrible.

But I wasn’t vomiting! It wasn’t as bad as last time!

I told myself these things over and over again, and I really believed it. I was just tired. All the time. So tired I couldn’t get off the couch for most of the day. It was just that. I wasn’t that sick!

But now that I’ve got the anti-nausea medicine and my body’s no longer starving and dehydrated from the Monday Debacle, I was able to get a lot done today. I made French toast for Ruby and I for breakfast. I cleaned the front room, including the piles of things that had been stacking up in corners and on tables because I was too sick to do anything about it. I picked up toys of Ruby’s that had been lying around for weeks, and put ALL of the tupperware back where it belongs, instead of just a pathway through the kitchen. I still took a nap, sure, but it was a 15 minute power nap, and I was still able to go out and go shopping with a friend this afternoon.

The difference was profound and striking to me. I was measuring how sick I was based on how many times I’d thrown up, but I think that it might be a little bit more complex than that. Maybe I should also be measuring by whether or not I’ve got the energy to lift my baby up, or whether my stomach is settled enough to change a stinky diaper. Because lying on the couch for three weeks straight? Maybe that’s kind of sick, too.

And maybe I like feeling the way I felt today a lot better.

It’s Advancing!

“It’s not as bad as it was last time!” I naively told everybody about how sick I’ve been feeling during this pregnancy. And really, it was true. I wasn’t throwing up. The issue came down to this: when I did start throwing up, I couldn’t stop.

The last couple of days were kind of yucky, to say the least. Fortunately, I was able to get some medicine before I had gone so long without eating and drinking that I ended up in the ER. I do not want to go to the hospital if it can be avoided.

But today I was able to eat breakfast. I haven’t been able to do that in a few days. I was also able to put dinner in the cock pot and pick up my floor a bit. These are all improvements over the last few days of moving from couch to bathroom to bed.

The timing has also worked out well, because today was the first day of Kyle’s job. Monday and Tuesday, Kyle spent all day being Mom AND Dad, changing every diaper, going grocery shopping, and taking care of my pitiful soul. But today I seem to be able to do enough on my own that it’s ok that Kyle left at 7:30 this morning, not to be back for many hours. I think I can do it today.

I just need a little nap while Ruby’s napping, as well.

A Bow for Ruby

Matthew likes to give me grief because we never put girly things in Ruby’s hair. The reality, though, is that she rips the hair bows and barrettes out almost immediately, complete with a few strands of hair. When we got her pictures taken in August, I got her to keep it in just long enough for the last picture to be snapped before she ripped it out, but otherwise I just don’t think it’s worth my efforts just to have a girly thing in her hair.

Apparently, it’s a different story if RUBY wants something in her hair. Last week we had meatball subs, veggies and hummus. Ruby took a few bites of her cucumber and decided that there was a better place for it.

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It stayed there, perched atop her head, until the end of dinner, a good 15 minutes later. Apparently cucumber hair bows are in right now with the babies.

Kyle Got a Job!

Yay! This period of unemployment was much shorter than the last. It’s a company up in Salt Lake, so there’s a commute, and it pays less than his last job, but we both feel like it’s going to be a better job for him. Our budget will be tighter, but we’ve lived with tight budgets before.

It’s still better than being students.

We’re going to stay in Provo for the length of our lease, but who knows what next year will bring. We’ll see how Kyle feels about the commute. He’ll be taking the train to Salt Lake to avoid the traffic; his office is pretty close to the train station in Salt Lake, and the train has wi-fi. This train is apparently much fancier than the trains I’ve ridden on. It also means that he has two hours a day to focus on things that he wants to do, like writing and art. I think it’ll be good for him.

We’re grateful that he’s got a job. Hopefully it will be a better fit than the last one was.

The Shape of the Sick

So there have turned out to be some distinct advantages to having Kyle home more often. He’s still out and about on the job search, but he’s got more flexibility which means that he can cook me breakfast when I feel garbage-y, and he can change Ruby’s stinky diapers that make me nauseous.

It’s still early days, but I’ve only thrown up once so far. The major issues this time around have been fatigue and nausea. I just want to sleep All. Day. Long. I do not remember being this tired when I was pregnant with Ruby. Fortunately, Ruby is very accommodating and will play by herself very well while I lay on the couch like a lump on a log for a while. I feel a little bad about it, but getting up and doing things when I’m exhausted has proved to make me feel much, much worse. Earlier today, Ruby sad on the floor with a Dr. Seuss book “reading” it out loud (“Dadadadadada”). Her main projects recently seem to be transferring the things from her room to the living room, and the things out of the kitchen cabinets into her room. Apparently it’s better that way. If you need a whisk, be sure to look under the crib.

I’ve wondered if the fact that I’m not in school and working, and therefore have more flexibility to rest and relax when I need to is contributing to lessening of the extreme pregnancy sickness. I don’t know for sure.

Last night, I was suddenly overtaken with the NEED for pad thai. I didn’t get extreme cravings with Ruby. I wanted chocolate shakes all the time the third trimester, but if I couldn’t get one, I’d survive. But last night, I just NEEDED pad thai like I’ve never needed food before. Unfortunately, it was 10:30 at night, and nobody was still open. Apparently there’s not a big market for 24 hour Thai food here in Provo. Kyle ended up going to the grocery store and picking up some instant pad thai that neither tasted like pad thai, nor did it quell the need. We got some for dinner tonight, and I’m feeling more centered now.

Amy suspects baby might be a boy, since my pregnancy is taking a different shape. I guess only time will tell.

Good News and Bad News

So the latter part of this week was spent calling family and telling them the news. I’m pregnant and starting to get sick enough that it’s hard to hide, so huzzah! Baby!

Yesterday was spent re-calling the same family and telling them the news. Kyle got laid off from his job on Friday. Bottom line appears to be that with the way the company was going, they shouldn’t have been hiring for that position when they did. So huzzah. Back to unemployment.

Antelope Island

Today was Labor Day, and Kyle had the day off. We didn’t get to go anywhere on vacation this summer because of being unemployed and moving (which is always more expensive than you’d like), so we decided to do something special today. I’d heard about Antelope Island, which is a State Park that is an island in the Great Salt Lake. I’ve been wanting to see more of the state and national parks in Utah, and Antelope Island was only a little more than an hour away, so we decided to check it out.

It was really beautiful. There was a beach, so we went, and Ruby ate sand. In fact, much of my time was spent being the Great Sand Monitor, but she would turn her back on me and stuff handfuls of it in her mouth. Eating sand never killed anybody, right? We didn’t bring swimsuits, but Ruby ran in and sat in the water anyways, and Kyle and I waded barefoot. It was pretty shallow, so it was a good depth for Ruby to play in. She was disappointed that sand is harder to pick up from underwater–it kept washing out of her hands by the time she’d pull it out of the water.

When we were done at the beach (and walked the half-mile up a sand dune back to the car; I told Kyle it worked out that he didn’t go to the gym today), I stripped her down and washed her off in the showers, trying to hold her at such an angle that she’d get washed off but I wouldn’t get wet. Despite my valiant efforts, there was still salt on her head from the lake, so every time I kissed her my lips tasted like salt. Also, the showers were cold so she immediately curled into the fetal position, which made it impossible to get the sand out of her neck folds. I think she was storing the sand for a snack on the ride home.

I had packed a picnic, so we ate at the campground, and then drove back home. Ruby is currently being de-sanded and de-salted in the bathtub before being sent to bed. I think that Kyle and I will lay in bed and watch X-Files for the rest of the evening. We are very tired from a long day, but it was a very good day.