Things I Can Summon

It’s interesting being pregnant again. I remember the last time calling my mom one day, crying, telling her that nothing could be worth being this sick for. I was overworked, unhappy, unwell, and unconvinced that this had been a terribly good idea in the first place.

But the day that Ruby was born, in that hormonal high, I knew that it was all worth it. All the sickness, all the unhappiness, all the gross.

Because…because Baby. That’s the reason.

And now that I am sick again (although both happier and not over worked), I can remember that day of holding my tiny baby in my arms and remembering that it’s worth it. I can’t summon up those feelings again (much the way I couldn’t really remember how it felt to be sick after it was all over), but I remember having them. I remember the intensity and and the beauty of those feelings, and so I look forward to feeling them again and remembering that even though things are challenging now, that what comes at the end is beautiful and wonderful and, yes, worth it.

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