Feelings, Worries, and Hope

I’ve been having a lot of introspective feelings about having babies and watching them grow lately. It feels like I’m somehow settling inwards to prepare for the birth of this new baby. I’ve been reviewing labor techniques and breathing patterns that helped me last time, and as the weeks go by, my confidence grows in my ability to birth this baby. My body knows what to do, and I coped well with labor last time. I feel like labor will probably be shorter this time (with Ruby it was seven hours from the time contractions woke me up to the time she was born), but it’s impossible to know for sure.

I’m not worried anymore about how Ruby will react to the baby. I think she’ll be alright. I am a little worried about who will take Ruby if I go into labor during the work day before my mom comes (when Kyle is an hour away, and Amy is unavailable), but I’ve made a list of people I might talk to about taking Ruby in the unlikely event that such a situation arises. I’ve had some passing worries about going into labor early, but that’s kind of a we’ll-deal-with-it-if-it-happens thing.

I am a little worried about Ruby’s sleep. Her sleep problems could probably take up an entire post, but suffice it to say that she’s never been a great sleeper. It goes in phases, some weeks she’ll sleep through the night, and other weeks she won’t. It can be nearly impossible to get her to go to sleep sometimes, and I wonder if we’ll be up at night with two babies who won’t sleep.

But overall I feel hopeful. I’m excited to meet this new baby. To know if it’s a boy or a girl, and to get to know Baby’s quirks and cutenesses. I find myself longing to nurse a newborn again–to feel the rush of love that comes with letdown–and to have Baby sleep on my chest and snuggle the way only newborns snuggle. The hormonal aftermath of birth is a roller coaster, but the beauty of the highs are something to behold. I know intellectually that I’m romanticizing the post birth experience. Baby blues, soreness, late nights, and struggling with nursing can all be their own nightmares to compare with the wonderful highs, but I want to bask in the peace and enthusiasm that these romantic projections are bringing. I don’t want to focus on the hard things that are coming; I will deal with those when they get here. For now I want to focus on the beautiful things that are coming.

Because beautiful things are coming.

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