It’s Like a Billion Miles, Guys

Something has happened to me over the past seven or so months.

The ground has gotten really, really far away.

I’ve given up shaving my legs, because they’re close to the ground and have you noticed how far away that is?

Kyle has to help me pull my pants and socks off because my ankles are basically on another planet.

I can’t even see my feet anymore beyond the protrusion of my belly, so that means that they’re not really there.

Ruby is very, very close to the ground, so she has to reach up if she wants to be picked up. Better yet, sometimes she’s on a couch or a chair. Her toys might as well be in somebody else’s house for how easy it is for me to get to them. They’re also tiny tripping hazards, because I can’t see the ones near my feet, which means that they’re also not really there until I’ve tripped on them. In related news, if I make it through this pregnancy without tripping on a plastic zucchini and falling to my death, it will be a miracle.

Amen.

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